Rocky Mountain Climbing #7: The Gifts I See in You
This is one of the most powerful things that is taught in Choices.
So why is it so hard to accept the gifts others so readily see in you?
You are not alone in this. It is one of the issues I struggle with based on my core tape: “I’m not good enough”.
When at Choices and when I am in my normal “human-ness” is when I have expectations for someone on what should happen for them, that is when I have missed the very miracles that God had placed me in position to see. When I am in my normal “human-ness” is when someone walks through the door on Wednesday and I hope they won’t be in my small group. That person was then ether the first person to make a beeline to my group or who at a later time I was to realize they were the one person I had needed to know.
Even with all of my inherent weaknesses, being a TA has many times placed me in a position where I can be an instrument of healing. From the very first time I coached I was made aware of the Holy Spirit in all that I did, would be doing and do when I coach. I knew that the Holy Spirit would be there helping me, in spite of me.
I was aware that when I was being my “human” very best, was when I had given up all hope of understanding what God had in store for me and surrendered to his power.
I came to understand that the very best things that would happen were not because of what “I” did, but what God was able to do through me when “I” was no longer present. Call it an out of body experience or something else, it always seems to occur when I am so into the moment, when “I” am quietly listening to what is happening that God can whisper to me and “I” know the truth of what I am to say or do. And so I do so without fear, with purpose and always with love.
(I used to say I was amazed at what God could do, but realizing that God can do anything, I felt silly saying amazing. But the word “amazing” keeps springing out of my mouth whenever I experience this happening that I am sure it is just God allowing me a glimpse of what is to come for those who believe. Amazing.)
So I do my best at Choices to be an instrument for healing. I feel I do not deserve any gifts for what I do since if it was good and true it really did not come from me.
So I struggle when someone says something nice to me about how I helped them.
This last training of Choices was really wonderful. I had small groups in Purpose and Givers 1 and worked the Choices room all week. In addition, I was able to be on purpose for my daughter on Sunday afternoon and still return in time to see and hear how everyone’s Sunday was… it was a WOW weekend for me.
And then I was cradled and went through the shower line. I am not a small man being 6’5” and 245 pounds. I have never been comfortable being cradled as a result. And we have already discussed what I felt about deserving any thanks for being a coach.
I hope all of you get a chance to meet Randall Primm.
He went through Choices about a year ago and is a spiritual mentor of Don Pelham’s. I have seen him do so many Holy Spirit actions in the short time I have know him that I know the deepness of the “gift” is within him.
So I told him of my struggles. I felt so bad that I am not able to accept the wonderful things people say to the human “me”.
His answer was simple: “Give the Glory to God.”
My heart leapt. My green brain found truth and peace at once. No longer do I have to struggle with the gifts people give to me, because now I know, that the best things that come from me are his gifts to me and through me as I am his instrument and all Glory belongs to him.
And now in all humbleness I can see more clearly my purpose and when I fulfill it I feel I am more dearly in his hands.
May this be a gift to you. Love, Durk
