RMC #34: The Greatest Miracle I Have Ever Seen

It is 4:23 AM. I have been wrestling with this miracle for almost 2 weeks now. I am still not sure what to make of it or what to think about it. The refrain of a song has been going through my head tonight. I don’t know who sings it or the name of the song, but the refrain is:

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

On Tuesday August 14^th I left Colorado driving our Envoy with Sarah riding with me and my son Keaton driving the Taurus following me. We were headed to Denton for Keaton to head back to school at UNT and then I was dropping Sarah off at her mother’s house and where later in the week I was taking her down to College Station to begin her freshman year as an Aggie (instead of a Missouri Tiger, but I’ve already told you that story).

It’s a long drive.

We switched off driving and resting/sleeping and were making pretty good time, though I was probably driving too slowly for the kids taste.

About 10 PM we made our last pit stop and were then only about an hour from Denton coming down Interstate 35. Everyone was in good spirits as we were nearing the end of our trip.

Keaton was particularly excited about getting back as he was moving into his new apartment the next day and also because it was to be his 21^st birthday. He was born at about 2 AM in the morning of the 15^th, meaning we were also close to his actual birth date and time.

So we were chugging along, Sarah and I in the Envoy chatting about her new life as a college girl, when I happened to look in my rear view mirror.

The car behind me, suddenly veered to the left, ran across the second lane and went onto the left shoulder and then off part way over the shoulder. I saw the car somehow correct and jump back onto the highway, lurch a couple of times and slow down.

There were no other cars anywhere on the highway other than the Envoy and Keaton in the car behind me.

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

I am not sure what I said at that moment when I saw this occur immediately behind me. I know I was able to pull over, I talked with Keaton and he said something about “nodding off”, send Sarah back to ride with Keaton and keep him awake and then to stagger onward. I must have said “Thanks be to God!” a hundred times the next few miles and minutes as I saw this scene replayed in my mind over and over again.

I can tell you even 2 weeks later I still don’t know what to think or feel. Thinking or talking about this has been too frightening for my words to catch up. My own mortality is understood and being dealt with as best it can, but the mortality of one of my children is beyond comprehension.

So I have dealt with it in typical green fashion, I have been processing.

And I have fallen back on some my same old bad habits and doing things I really don’t like to be admitting that I am doing. I know without much effort of thinking about it that I am being attacked. The gift of the life of my son, truly delivered by God, has ended up leaving me open to fear.

So I can’t sleep tonight. I have relived and replayed the cars lights going over the shoulder again and again.

I hear, finally, through all of this noise of my mind: “How much more must I show you?”

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

He is always there for me and has shown me time and again. I know he is inside of me and that when I am in his will life is so sweet.

I wish I weren’t so human and did not leave so much room for Satan. But I am and so I ask for deliverance once again.

I thank you God for looking after Keaton that night on the road. And I ask you to look out for him and for my daughter Sarah. These two precious gifts you allotted to me are beyond my ability to understand why I am so blessed.

And, now I know, without a doubt, that you are always standing by them.

RMC #33- What an idiot I am- Plank Removal Services Requested

After the wonderful emails and comments I received from the “I was LOST” posting on July 23^rd, I really was committed to doing more writing. But then reality intervened. I got real busy with work adding a lot of new business, my kids came for a visit and then I headed for Texas in convoy with Keaton and Sarah. Keaton’s 21^st birthday was on August 15^th, and I got to buy him his first legal drink. And then Sarah was starting her freshman year at Texas A&M and so I headed down to help her move in.

On the 15 hour drive from Colorado to Texas I had lots of time to think. I really wanted to do more writing. But the move, the cost of the move, the cost of the unanticipated items we needed to get for the house was all adding up, making me feel like I had to work harder to make ends meet.

All of these things were really contrary to having the time and the opportunity to write.

So sitting there dreaming about what could happen, I said something to God to the affect: “If I only had a little more business, I would have a little more money making it easier to find the time to write.”

Yep, that actually popped into my brain. And just about the time I was beginning to realize the idiocy of what I had just asked God for, I heard the following:

“Write, and I will take care of the rest.”

Instantly flooding back to me were all of the scriptural passages about “not worrying” about “letting tomorrow take care of itself” and on and on.

Well, to say the least God was removing a plank from my eye so I could see. I am so thankful he didn’t use the very same plank to hit me upside of the head knocking some sense into me at the same time.

I also realized that if I took care of my relationship with God, doing what he has asked me to do, namely write about my journey- with His help, then nothing else really mattered anyway, nothing could have been more important than to do His will and be on His team, doing what I could do. He will take what I write and use it for whatever he needs it to do. If it is only to show me, what I can do when in obedience to His requests, then that in and of itself is ample.

Thankfully God forgives even idiots like me. I think he looked into my heart and knew how much I wish to please Him and to make a difference. Maybe that’s why the answer came so fast. I didn’t have to wait long for the response to this misguided request. I think my next prayers will be of the nature that I will have to wait patiently for a response.

No more plank removal for me. At least for a while.

I wrote the “I was Lost” posting in the RMC on July 23^rd. A lot happened with that post, on two levels, which I will explain as I go.

I attended the church on Sunday, July 22^nd, and sat down the first thing on the morning of the 23^rd and wrote RMC #31: “I was Lost” (http://rockymountainclimbing-a-diary.com/rmc-31-i-was-lost). Later that day I received a number of emails from various welcoming committees from the Vail Church (http://www.thevailchurch.com/). Somewhere in the responses I sent back to these well wishers, I included a link to the posting. Here is what happened then, in the words of the people who sent them.

First:

Durk,

Your blog was so uplifting for our staff…we read it in our weekly staff meeting.  So encouraging to know that He is drawing people to worship Him here.  Thanks so much for sharing your life with us, we look forward to watching the Lord use us and you at our lil’ mountain church.

Scott Leonard

The Vail Church

Then I received a call and an email asking if they could use my writing in the following Sunday sermon. From the pastor at the Vail Church, Craig Smith, came this:

Hey Durk,

Craig Smith here with The Vail Church.  Just wanted to say thanks for allowing me to share your words this coming Sunday.  Scott passed on your blog to me this week and it was so encouraging to read.  Thanks for sharing your story.  Once a year, we do what we call our “State of the church” address.  It’s a time to re-visit the vision God has given us as well as celebrate His good work over the past year.  I’d love to share your words with our church family this weekend – they speak well to our desire – that people would meet with Christ each Sunday and leave changed.  So, with your permission, I’d love to pass along how God met with you and your wife last weekend.  Your words celebrate our God and that’s always worth sharing.  We’re glad you came – this weekend we will outline clearly who we are, where we’re going, and how to dive in and serve alongside us in the work ahead.  There’s much to be done in this valley and around the globe so we’re anxious to stack hands together and get to work.  Your ministry experience is a tremendous blessing – let’s talk soon and figure out the next steps.  Let me know how I can be of any help along the way!  Grateful for you both…

Craig

To say I was blown away was an understatement. I always understood that I was writing with a purpose. That was always clear to me. God had a purpose for me, though clearly, I wasn’t always let in on the plan. But then I also started receiving great comments from my old friends, mentors and much loved people.

From my spiritual mentor Ed Murray, I received this:

Durk, I don’t often reply to all because of a number of reasons. But I was so touched by your diary this week that I had to let everyone know how much it touched me.  I could feel my throat choking up as I read your lead in to the songs and for the life of me I could not even mouth them – you almost had me crying along with you.

God was working that day to make sure you found a good refuge in which to serve him.  What a testimony to “God is good”   — — —- “All the time”  — — —-!

Ed

From Carl Gustafson, an Emmaus Reunion Group buddy:

Good mornin’ brother,

I must admit, I’m not as strong as Ed, I DID cry a bit.  This email was topic of conversation this morning and celebrated on your behalf.

Ok, why did I cry?  After your email last week, I felt moved to reply but didn’t.  Then this one came and I had to do what I failed to do last week.

I too was looking back and found that through complacency, I had fallen away.  When things in my life stretched Jennifer and I in every direction, we got tired, worn out and complacent, failing to work on, or even be a part of our relationship with God.  I can’t describe, although I know you know what I’m talking about, the hole of void.  What had once been a very close intimate relationship was quiet.  In short, I was wwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy off in the weeds.  A couple of weeks ago, I showed up Tuesday morning, ponied up, and admitted to the gents at the table, I’m off in the weeds.  Their response, “what can we do to help?”  Now how’s that for a lifeline?  My response, accountability.

From the time of that admission, I jumped back into the relationship.  It was quite a shock to the system.  I started reading religious books at a fervent pace and committed to teach Sunday School for K-5 journey rooms.  This past Sunday, I went to one of my favorite places, the small chapel.  I ponied up to the rail, and on bended knee, admitted my complacency and jumped back in the game.  Communion, in that small, quiet, chapel was very special as I felt a “welcome back”.  Now that’s prevenient grace.

Now to my point….  Believe it or not, I’m celebrating my complacency.  That’s right, celebrating it.  Why you ask?  Because it showed me how night and day the difference is.  It’s amazing.  Being off in the weeds made me really appreciate how it feels to be on the road and the void in the weeds.  See…  celebration time.  My religious philosophy, “Celebrate everything”.  Good or bad.

Now that your back on the road, you know what it feels like.  Isn’t it worth investing the work and time into the relationship to stay there?  For me the answer is yes.

Remember, when you left, I mentioned the similarities in our walks?  Coincidence?  I think not.  Alpha taught me that there are no such things as coincidence or luck.

Now……..  walk on brother.  Remember, just follow the light.

Your brother in Christ,

Carl

I don’t think I needed any outside validation in writing these posts, since I am so certain that I am being guided by God’s hand in all that I write. But still, these comments and the positive use of my writing has further encouraged me to write even more. Or to say it better, I am further encouraged to spend more time thinking, listening and working for God. I am not a natural or gifted writer by any means. So, for me this is work. But I can tell when it flows through my hands, whether I write it in long hand or enter it in with my computer, the work is its own reward. And that God finds a use for it, as he has for these past months, is wonderful beyond my ability to understand.

So I will keep writing and use the encouragement you give me along with the certainty of God’s will in what I am creating to continue to write these humble words to encourage you and lead you closer to Him.

I didn’t know how lost until last Sunday.

Since our move to Colorado, Suzy and I have not attended church. We miss our FUMCR connection and the weekly buzz we got by attending and participating in all of the doings of the church. So last week we decided we would try out a church, and picked Vail Church, which is about 20 miles away in Eagle-Vail.

Saturday night I received a call from friends asking me to play golf with them early Sunday morning. We knew it was going to be a beautiful morning and by playing early I would be done with plenty of time to work on all of the unopened moving boxes in the garage. Pretty tempting. Now my friends were not doing the devil’s work, they were just being friends. But something clicked in my mind and I said no, I was going to church.

We woke up Sunday and headed to church about a 20 minute drive away, same as the drive we had for FUMCR.

Pulled up and the parking lot was jammed. Walked in and saw people of all ages in all kinds of attire, from dressy to casual. I could definitely wear shorts to church in the summer.

Sat down and began to read the bulletin. I couldn’t because I was starting to see white spots on the page… a migraine was coming on. I knew it was the devil trying to attack me. I remembered Suzy was drinking a Diet Coke on the way and asked her if she had finished it, she said she hadn’t. I asked if she had any chocolate, another way I overcome migraines (isn’t God good), when she reminded me there was migraine medicine in the car. I ran out and took 2 migraine pills and a couple of slugs of caffeine from the Diet Coke which also works on my migraines. I got back inside just in time to hear the start of the first song. It was an old revival song that had recently been released by a contemporary Christain group.

My tears started immediately.

I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit moving within this congregation.

The second song was “Holy is the Lord God Almighty”. I had been singing that tune off and on for the prior 2 weeks. I continued to cry.

The third song was “Indescribable”. The words were projected above the singers making it easy to sing along. The words were just beautiful…

“From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation’s revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God

All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God”

As many times as I had heard this song, I had never focused on the words before. The tears continued to come.

The next song was “Amazing Grace”.

 “I was lost, but now I’m found”

How I kept from falling I do not know.

The sermon was given by Reverend Craig Smith from the Book of Daniel. He talked throughout the sermon about personal accountability, about not getting into yourself, about admitting before God your personal sins and releasing them to God. I was taking notes, this was really wonderful stuff. And as I listened, I heard Suzy crying quietly beside me.

I took my pen and wrote her a note that said: “I think we have found our church home?”

She shook her head yes.

We introduced ourselves at the end of the service and volunteered. We didn’t tell him what we wanted to do nor did we expect anything. We just wanted to say we were ready to serve, that God moved our hearts and we were ready again as we were at FUMCR.

BTW: Craig Smith’s sermons can be found at www.thevailchurch.com. I am going to listen to some of them over the coming days. He also tells great jokes, just like Clayton Oliphint at FUMCR. In fact we are going to send the joke he told on Sunday to Clayton. I had not heard it before. I’m still giggling about it.

On Life

I have not been writing much for the Rocky Mountain Climbing Diary lately. I can blame the move, the lack of time to concentrate to meditate and allow God to enter my thoughts and for those thoughts to generate writing.

I feel a little cut adrift from many of my sources of inspiration: my church, my Emmaus group, teaching Disciple bible cases, attending Choices Stretches and more. So far we have not connected spiritually with a fellowship or church. I met a really neat couple on the plane to Miami last week and they knew a few people in Vail Valley who were churchgoers and they are getting us together. I am hopeful this will lead to new God adventures and guidance.

I have been doing a fair amount of reading to “make up” for this obvious lack in my life right now. This has been really wonderful for when I am absorbed in Christ oriented material I am ported away to a better life only available through belief and faith.

But I am not unhappy. I look out the window of my house and see the mountains that so attracted me for so long and I shake in disbelief that I am actually living here. Then in the cool of the nights I can look up and see an uncountable number of stars and then I know for sure that God put me here to experience just that feeling. What He still has in store for me I am unsure, but His pace is allowing me to get my household and business in shape for His next challenge.

One thought has been running through my mind for a month or two. I was able to share it with my good friend Kevin Henderson on a drive to Denver we did together.

My thoughts we about life.

These thoughts were made clearer upon the death of Melinda Shipman, a friend of ours for the last few years who took our Disciple bible classes. You may recall that Suzy and I were asked to speak at her memorial service.

I am so sure that Melinda is in heaven now that it has given me a different perspective of life. Since I believe the Bible tells me that death leads to eternal life for those that believe, then Melinda is only dead to us. We can no longer see the shell she inhabited here on this level of God’s creation. Melinda always exuded a grace that I have seen in few people. Her radiance, here, was always very clear to me. I have a clear vision that as believers, as we die, which is the only definition we have for our brains to understand, as we leave the shell God has given us, we change to God’s vision of us and it is radiant. This radiance is so bright that we mere mortals can not see the transformation and the ascendance.

I even think this belief is Biblical. When Moses came down from the mountain after being with God it was said his face shone with such radiance that he went a long time with his head covered. Jesus upon his transfiguration and Stephen speaking to the Sanhedrin prior to his stoning were also examples of God’s radiance being experienced by man.

I wish we had a different way to express this transformation; unfortunately I have no idea how to do so. But I think I know life better as a result of this understanding. Life really isn’t here. Life really only truly begins in faith and death. In faith we become a little like God. In death we move even closer to God though our faith. Time is no longer of any importance. If we wish to know more about the rings of Saturn, we go there and become a ring. For as part of God’s glory and universe we can see all that He has made. When I thought of this capability we will receive upon our faith, death, transformation and ascendance, I finally understood Mark, Chapter 10, Verses 28-31, that our new self will receive “A hundred-fold” what we experienced on this world.

Now, as much as my heart still aches for Melinda and all of the other dear friends and family who have radiantly ascended to be at the hand of God, I am less tearful and more filled with joy for their crossing into the next realm of everlasting forgiveness and beauty. And, where God will wipe away every tear.

And maybe that is what I am to write about. 

The last months prior to our move to Colorado were full of everyday trials. One we did not anticipate was the loss of one of our Disciple classmates Melinda Shipman. She was a wonderful person who lived her life fully in God’s grace. She had been ill for many years and her beauty was only enhanced by her fight for a normal life for herself, her husband John and her children.

At her passing John asked Suzy and me to speak at her memorial service. To follow is what I was to say.

To Melinda

Melinda joined our class at the Disciple III level and continued on with us taking Disciple IV this year.

From early on we recognized that every time Melinda entered in the room, Grace and Kindness were always with her.

Melinda was an active member of our class. She shared her heart, her story and her love of her family in many ways.

Over the last 2 days, I was wondering what I could say today that would comfort her family and friends. I believe the hand of God is always with us, if we have but the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

Last night I was reading the book, “The Cost of Discipleship” by Dietrich Bonhoefer. I came across an excerpt from Mark, Chapter 10, Verses 28-31.

I had been looking for this particular verse for the last 6-9 months.

This verse talks how as a Disciple that when you give yourself up for God’s sake, you shall receive, “A hundred-fold… in the world to come; eternal life.”

Our Class had talked about this concept at length one night. None of us could really imagine a Life with God… such that it would be 100 times better than what we have now.

But, as God’s Disciple, Melinda now knows what this verse means.

Our Class talked a lot about C. S. Lewis, starting with his “Mere Christianity” book. This year we were introduced to Lewis’ sermon called the “Weight of Glory”.

In this sermon, Lewis says: “He (God) thinks of us… we shall stand before Him… The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ… that any of us who truly chooses (God)… shall find approval, shall please God. To please God… to be loved by God, but delighted as a father in a (daughter), it seems impossible, but so it is.”

Then Lewis adds what he calls the “divine accolade”. That is, God, holding our hand and saying:

“Well done thou good and faithful servant.”

I can assure you that Melinda has already heard these words.

The Disciple IV class ends with the study of Revelation. I will finish with, Chapter 21, Verses 3 and 4.

“They will be his people,… and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

As it is.

I don’t have the energy to tell you all of the tings that have happened to us over the last month as we have completed our move to Colorado. It has involved tears, friendships, sleeplessness, no refrigerator and rainbows. I will save that discussion for a later date.

Last night at about this time I heard our cat Inky meowing loudly. Well he is really Suzy’s cat, he came with the package. He was the best purring cat I had ever experienced. Like a motorboat. So anyway his loud meowing was pretty normal. He has always been talkative… and downright noisy, always asking to be fed.

In his defense he has a hyper thyroid and was a 9 pound eating machine as a result.

At age 12, about 4 years ago, Inky started to have seizures, thus the diagnosis.

The meowing went on and I realized I was late for his night time feeding. I heard him but couldn’t find him as I searched around the house. I finally found him on the floor without the use of his rear legs. Hoping it was a temporary seizure as in the past, I tried feeding him, this almost always helped him get over the seizure. This time he wasn’t interested. I knew something was different.

To make matters worse, Inky’s main caregiver, Suzy, was on the road in Washington D.C.

I called our friends the Rolater’s to see if they knew an emergency pet clinic. Now in Dallas we had trouble getting care for pets at night, I was not hopeful that we could find anyone to help Inky in a town of 5,000. Amazingly there was an on-call emergency veterinarian only 2 miles from our house. After going over the symptoms, the veterinarian said she would meet us at the office in 20 minutes. I wrapped up Inky and took him to their office.

When we arrived Dr. Fitzpatrick took Inky’s temperature and said it was 93 degrees, dangerously low for a cat that has a normal temperature of 102-103 degrees. She was immediately worried. She worked for about 2 hours giving Inky drugs, doing a blood test, warming him up with a heat pad, giving him a warm IV trying to get his temperature up, everything she could think of.

Nothing worked, Inky systems were failing.

Dr. Fitzpatrick said something really profound at this juncture, she said: “Inky knows Suzy is out of town. That is why he is choosing now.”

I got Suzy on the phone and she was able to talk to Dr. Fitzpatrick about what was going on with Inky. No one wanted to see this creature of God in pain any longer.

So the decision was made to let Inky pass away.

Suzy asked me to stay with him as long as I could.

And so I did.

The Doctor first injected a relaxant into Inky so there would be no pain. Inky finally began to relax and his breath lightened. His passing was indeed painless as I stood there and patted him and stroked his head, and said prayers for him.

I covered him with the blanket I had brought. He was a beautiful cat in his prime. He was predominantly white with a few black spots, as Suzy said it looks like he had walked on a black ink pad, so she called him Inky. As he aged he didn’t take as good care of himself as he had in the past, but still he was really pretty. Most people thought he was a “she”. And he had been a friend of mine for the last 9 years.

He was a discerning cat. Suzy said I was the only person she ever dated that he liked. That is quite a compliment indeed.

And I wish I had been a better friend to him. It seems I lost my patience with him the many times he would wake me up, not Suzy, demanding to be fed at 5 AM. I threw many a pillow at him to get him moving out of the bedroom.

I apologize, Inky for the few times I actually hit you.

So maybe my repentance was to be there right then with only one thing to do, to make it known to God that you were coming, and that where you were going was going to be wonderful.

That is my prayer for you Inky,

and for me too.

This is a talk I did at the Sunday Bible School class Suzy and I attend. As we are moving soon I was “moved” to offer up my spiritual journey in advance of my physical journey. Dean Brown the outstanding teacher of the class obliged and what follows is what I said that day. Most of the writing has appeared in parts in the Rocky Mountain Climbing Diary in prior versions and compiled and edited for the Trinity audience of friends and Disciples.

I want to apologize for not being able to attend class for the last 5-6 months. Many of you know that Suzy and I are moving to Colorado soon after my daughter graduates from high school. Over the last 18 months we bought, fixed up and moved in renters into a condo in Avon, Colorado. Started building a house in Eagle, Colorado. Went on numerous business trips from Atlanta to Santa Barbara. Had a couple of school visits. First my daughter Sarah was going to be a Missouri Tiger. She ended up an Aggie. Moved tenants out of the condo, fixed it up again, moved furniture into the condo to make it more saleable, sold it, moved furniture out, closed the sale. Put our house in Dallas on the market… and on and on. Oh yeah, Suzy just got a great job with a company based in New York.

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This is a really beautiful and moving video. That came from my friend Joyce. When I thanked her for sharing this with me, here is what she sent back: