RMC #34: The Greatest Miracle I Have Ever Seen

It is 4:23 AM. I have been wrestling with this miracle for almost 2 weeks now. I am still not sure what to make of it or what to think about it. The refrain of a song has been going through my head tonight. I don’t know who sings it or the name of the song, but the refrain is:

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

On Tuesday August 14^th I left Colorado driving our Envoy with Sarah riding with me and my son Keaton driving the Taurus following me. We were headed to Denton for Keaton to head back to school at UNT and then I was dropping Sarah off at her mother’s house and where later in the week I was taking her down to College Station to begin her freshman year as an Aggie (instead of a Missouri Tiger, but I’ve already told you that story).

It’s a long drive.

We switched off driving and resting/sleeping and were making pretty good time, though I was probably driving too slowly for the kids taste.

About 10 PM we made our last pit stop and were then only about an hour from Denton coming down Interstate 35. Everyone was in good spirits as we were nearing the end of our trip.

Keaton was particularly excited about getting back as he was moving into his new apartment the next day and also because it was to be his 21^st birthday. He was born at about 2 AM in the morning of the 15^th, meaning we were also close to his actual birth date and time.

So we were chugging along, Sarah and I in the Envoy chatting about her new life as a college girl, when I happened to look in my rear view mirror.

The car behind me, suddenly veered to the left, ran across the second lane and went onto the left shoulder and then off part way over the shoulder. I saw the car somehow correct and jump back onto the highway, lurch a couple of times and slow down.

There were no other cars anywhere on the highway other than the Envoy and Keaton in the car behind me.

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

I am not sure what I said at that moment when I saw this occur immediately behind me. I know I was able to pull over, I talked with Keaton and he said something about “nodding off”, send Sarah back to ride with Keaton and keep him awake and then to stagger onward. I must have said “Thanks be to God!” a hundred times the next few miles and minutes as I saw this scene replayed in my mind over and over again.

I can tell you even 2 weeks later I still don’t know what to think or feel. Thinking or talking about this has been too frightening for my words to catch up. My own mortality is understood and being dealt with as best it can, but the mortality of one of my children is beyond comprehension.

So I have dealt with it in typical green fashion, I have been processing.

And I have fallen back on some my same old bad habits and doing things I really don’t like to be admitting that I am doing. I know without much effort of thinking about it that I am being attacked. The gift of the life of my son, truly delivered by God, has ended up leaving me open to fear.

So I can’t sleep tonight. I have relived and replayed the cars lights going over the shoulder again and again.

I hear, finally, through all of this noise of my mind: “How much more must I show you?”

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

He is always there for me and has shown me time and again. I know he is inside of me and that when I am in his will life is so sweet.

I wish I weren’t so human and did not leave so much room for Satan. But I am and so I ask for deliverance once again.

I thank you God for looking after Keaton that night on the road. And I ask you to look out for him and for my daughter Sarah. These two precious gifts you allotted to me are beyond my ability to understand why I am so blessed.

And, now I know, without a doubt, that you are always standing by them.

I apologize in advance for the length this RMC may take. I have received a lot of special information that I can not ignore and feel compelled to pass on to you.

Let me start with the best news: Gavin Davis’ tumor is benign. Thank you for your prayers. I need to go through with the sequence of events over the weekend but will return to Gavin and Katy at the end, so please persevere.

This weekend at Choices I was a “roving” TA. I helped Thelma, Don and generally popped in and out and did what was asked of me. This was the second month I had not taken a small group and I noticed more of a difference this time. My comments to people seemed to have been more pointed than in past trainings, and in many ways a lot “meaner” and as one trainee said “gruff”. I have no human explanation for the transition as the last thing in life I would ever want to be labeled as is mean or gruff.

It seems I was particularly hard on two young men, both fathers. One in a stable family relationship and the other just divorced. Of course on Saturday they saw me with new eyes, but both asked why I said what I had said. I said truthfully I did not know why I said what I had said since I had only known them for such a short time. I just know that what I had said, since confirmed by them, hit home to each in its own way. As I told each of them what I thought of them now, I told them that now I saw only the commitment and the strength in them that was not there before. And I knew that whatever I had said had turned into a positive.

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Last Stretches I asked my daughter Sarah to come out for the afternoon. Much to my delight (and surprise) she agreed. Sarah has never been to Choices, but she has heard Suzy and me talk repeatedly about my experiences (drone on and on I think is how she says it at times), listened to the music and been the subject of much “coaching” on accountability, apologies and all good things Choices.

(One of the best times we had was driving a herd of young girls at that time to one of Sarah’s birthday party. I taught them the “Dog Breath” song. It was a Wow fun time.)

I wanted her to come out so I could introduce her to all of the really wonderful young women that were going to be there, like: Tiffany, Jenna and Julie, Margaret and Andrea, Michelle and Elizabeth to name a few. I see in all of these young women traits I hoped Sarah would see and know for a certainty what a difference she can make in the world.

Following Stretches, Sarah’s main comment, besides really being Wowed by everyone she met, was “Gosh Dad, you know all the words to all of the songs!”

Afterwards I also realized I was also really proud of Sarah and part of the reason I wanted her to come to Choices was so I could show her how proud I was of her by introducing her to my friends.

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