RMC #34: The Greatest Miracle I Have Ever Seen

It is 4:23 AM. I have been wrestling with this miracle for almost 2 weeks now. I am still not sure what to make of it or what to think about it. The refrain of a song has been going through my head tonight. I don’t know who sings it or the name of the song, but the refrain is:

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

On Tuesday August 14^th I left Colorado driving our Envoy with Sarah riding with me and my son Keaton driving the Taurus following me. We were headed to Denton for Keaton to head back to school at UNT and then I was dropping Sarah off at her mother’s house and where later in the week I was taking her down to College Station to begin her freshman year as an Aggie (instead of a Missouri Tiger, but I’ve already told you that story).

It’s a long drive.

We switched off driving and resting/sleeping and were making pretty good time, though I was probably driving too slowly for the kids taste.

About 10 PM we made our last pit stop and were then only about an hour from Denton coming down Interstate 35. Everyone was in good spirits as we were nearing the end of our trip.

Keaton was particularly excited about getting back as he was moving into his new apartment the next day and also because it was to be his 21^st birthday. He was born at about 2 AM in the morning of the 15^th, meaning we were also close to his actual birth date and time.

So we were chugging along, Sarah and I in the Envoy chatting about her new life as a college girl, when I happened to look in my rear view mirror.

The car behind me, suddenly veered to the left, ran across the second lane and went onto the left shoulder and then off part way over the shoulder. I saw the car somehow correct and jump back onto the highway, lurch a couple of times and slow down.

There were no other cars anywhere on the highway other than the Envoy and Keaton in the car behind me.

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

I am not sure what I said at that moment when I saw this occur immediately behind me. I know I was able to pull over, I talked with Keaton and he said something about “nodding off”, send Sarah back to ride with Keaton and keep him awake and then to stagger onward. I must have said “Thanks be to God!” a hundred times the next few miles and minutes as I saw this scene replayed in my mind over and over again.

I can tell you even 2 weeks later I still don’t know what to think or feel. Thinking or talking about this has been too frightening for my words to catch up. My own mortality is understood and being dealt with as best it can, but the mortality of one of my children is beyond comprehension.

So I have dealt with it in typical green fashion, I have been processing.

And I have fallen back on some my same old bad habits and doing things I really don’t like to be admitting that I am doing. I know without much effort of thinking about it that I am being attacked. The gift of the life of my son, truly delivered by God, has ended up leaving me open to fear.

So I can’t sleep tonight. I have relived and replayed the cars lights going over the shoulder again and again.

I hear, finally, through all of this noise of my mind: “How much more must I show you?”

“My Deliverer is Coming,

My Deliverer is Standing by.”

He is always there for me and has shown me time and again. I know he is inside of me and that when I am in his will life is so sweet.

I wish I weren’t so human and did not leave so much room for Satan. But I am and so I ask for deliverance once again.

I thank you God for looking after Keaton that night on the road. And I ask you to look out for him and for my daughter Sarah. These two precious gifts you allotted to me are beyond my ability to understand why I am so blessed.

And, now I know, without a doubt, that you are always standing by them.

RMC #33- What an idiot I am- Plank Removal Services Requested

After the wonderful emails and comments I received from the “I was LOST” posting on July 23^rd, I really was committed to doing more writing. But then reality intervened. I got real busy with work adding a lot of new business, my kids came for a visit and then I headed for Texas in convoy with Keaton and Sarah. Keaton’s 21^st birthday was on August 15^th, and I got to buy him his first legal drink. And then Sarah was starting her freshman year at Texas A&M and so I headed down to help her move in.

On the 15 hour drive from Colorado to Texas I had lots of time to think. I really wanted to do more writing. But the move, the cost of the move, the cost of the unanticipated items we needed to get for the house was all adding up, making me feel like I had to work harder to make ends meet.

All of these things were really contrary to having the time and the opportunity to write.

So sitting there dreaming about what could happen, I said something to God to the affect: “If I only had a little more business, I would have a little more money making it easier to find the time to write.”

Yep, that actually popped into my brain. And just about the time I was beginning to realize the idiocy of what I had just asked God for, I heard the following:

“Write, and I will take care of the rest.”

Instantly flooding back to me were all of the scriptural passages about “not worrying” about “letting tomorrow take care of itself” and on and on.

Well, to say the least God was removing a plank from my eye so I could see. I am so thankful he didn’t use the very same plank to hit me upside of the head knocking some sense into me at the same time.

I also realized that if I took care of my relationship with God, doing what he has asked me to do, namely write about my journey- with His help, then nothing else really mattered anyway, nothing could have been more important than to do His will and be on His team, doing what I could do. He will take what I write and use it for whatever he needs it to do. If it is only to show me, what I can do when in obedience to His requests, then that in and of itself is ample.

Thankfully God forgives even idiots like me. I think he looked into my heart and knew how much I wish to please Him and to make a difference. Maybe that’s why the answer came so fast. I didn’t have to wait long for the response to this misguided request. I think my next prayers will be of the nature that I will have to wait patiently for a response.

No more plank removal for me. At least for a while.

I wrote the “I was Lost” posting in the RMC on July 23^rd. A lot happened with that post, on two levels, which I will explain as I go.

I attended the church on Sunday, July 22^nd, and sat down the first thing on the morning of the 23^rd and wrote RMC #31: “I was Lost” (http://rockymountainclimbing-a-diary.com/rmc-31-i-was-lost). Later that day I received a number of emails from various welcoming committees from the Vail Church (http://www.thevailchurch.com/). Somewhere in the responses I sent back to these well wishers, I included a link to the posting. Here is what happened then, in the words of the people who sent them.

First:

Durk,

Your blog was so uplifting for our staff…we read it in our weekly staff meeting.  So encouraging to know that He is drawing people to worship Him here.  Thanks so much for sharing your life with us, we look forward to watching the Lord use us and you at our lil’ mountain church.

Scott Leonard

The Vail Church

Then I received a call and an email asking if they could use my writing in the following Sunday sermon. From the pastor at the Vail Church, Craig Smith, came this:

Hey Durk,

Craig Smith here with The Vail Church.  Just wanted to say thanks for allowing me to share your words this coming Sunday.  Scott passed on your blog to me this week and it was so encouraging to read.  Thanks for sharing your story.  Once a year, we do what we call our “State of the church” address.  It’s a time to re-visit the vision God has given us as well as celebrate His good work over the past year.  I’d love to share your words with our church family this weekend – they speak well to our desire – that people would meet with Christ each Sunday and leave changed.  So, with your permission, I’d love to pass along how God met with you and your wife last weekend.  Your words celebrate our God and that’s always worth sharing.  We’re glad you came – this weekend we will outline clearly who we are, where we’re going, and how to dive in and serve alongside us in the work ahead.  There’s much to be done in this valley and around the globe so we’re anxious to stack hands together and get to work.  Your ministry experience is a tremendous blessing – let’s talk soon and figure out the next steps.  Let me know how I can be of any help along the way!  Grateful for you both…

Craig

To say I was blown away was an understatement. I always understood that I was writing with a purpose. That was always clear to me. God had a purpose for me, though clearly, I wasn’t always let in on the plan. But then I also started receiving great comments from my old friends, mentors and much loved people.

From my spiritual mentor Ed Murray, I received this:

Durk, I don’t often reply to all because of a number of reasons. But I was so touched by your diary this week that I had to let everyone know how much it touched me.  I could feel my throat choking up as I read your lead in to the songs and for the life of me I could not even mouth them – you almost had me crying along with you.

God was working that day to make sure you found a good refuge in which to serve him.  What a testimony to “God is good”   — — —- “All the time”  — — —-!

Ed

From Carl Gustafson, an Emmaus Reunion Group buddy:

Good mornin’ brother,

I must admit, I’m not as strong as Ed, I DID cry a bit.  This email was topic of conversation this morning and celebrated on your behalf.

Ok, why did I cry?  After your email last week, I felt moved to reply but didn’t.  Then this one came and I had to do what I failed to do last week.

I too was looking back and found that through complacency, I had fallen away.  When things in my life stretched Jennifer and I in every direction, we got tired, worn out and complacent, failing to work on, or even be a part of our relationship with God.  I can’t describe, although I know you know what I’m talking about, the hole of void.  What had once been a very close intimate relationship was quiet.  In short, I was wwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy off in the weeds.  A couple of weeks ago, I showed up Tuesday morning, ponied up, and admitted to the gents at the table, I’m off in the weeds.  Their response, “what can we do to help?”  Now how’s that for a lifeline?  My response, accountability.

From the time of that admission, I jumped back into the relationship.  It was quite a shock to the system.  I started reading religious books at a fervent pace and committed to teach Sunday School for K-5 journey rooms.  This past Sunday, I went to one of my favorite places, the small chapel.  I ponied up to the rail, and on bended knee, admitted my complacency and jumped back in the game.  Communion, in that small, quiet, chapel was very special as I felt a “welcome back”.  Now that’s prevenient grace.

Now to my point….  Believe it or not, I’m celebrating my complacency.  That’s right, celebrating it.  Why you ask?  Because it showed me how night and day the difference is.  It’s amazing.  Being off in the weeds made me really appreciate how it feels to be on the road and the void in the weeds.  See…  celebration time.  My religious philosophy, “Celebrate everything”.  Good or bad.

Now that your back on the road, you know what it feels like.  Isn’t it worth investing the work and time into the relationship to stay there?  For me the answer is yes.

Remember, when you left, I mentioned the similarities in our walks?  Coincidence?  I think not.  Alpha taught me that there are no such things as coincidence or luck.

Now……..  walk on brother.  Remember, just follow the light.

Your brother in Christ,

Carl

I don’t think I needed any outside validation in writing these posts, since I am so certain that I am being guided by God’s hand in all that I write. But still, these comments and the positive use of my writing has further encouraged me to write even more. Or to say it better, I am further encouraged to spend more time thinking, listening and working for God. I am not a natural or gifted writer by any means. So, for me this is work. But I can tell when it flows through my hands, whether I write it in long hand or enter it in with my computer, the work is its own reward. And that God finds a use for it, as he has for these past months, is wonderful beyond my ability to understand.

So I will keep writing and use the encouragement you give me along with the certainty of God’s will in what I am creating to continue to write these humble words to encourage you and lead you closer to Him.