I apologize in advance for the length this RMC may take. I have received a lot of special information that I can not ignore and feel compelled to pass on to you.

Let me start with the best news: Gavin Davis’ tumor is benign. Thank you for your prayers. I need to go through with the sequence of events over the weekend but will return to Gavin and Katy at the end, so please persevere.

This weekend at Choices I was a “roving” TA. I helped Thelma, Don and generally popped in and out and did what was asked of me. This was the second month I had not taken a small group and I noticed more of a difference this time. My comments to people seemed to have been more pointed than in past trainings, and in many ways a lot “meaner” and as one trainee said “gruff”. I have no human explanation for the transition as the last thing in life I would ever want to be labeled as is mean or gruff.

It seems I was particularly hard on two young men, both fathers. One in a stable family relationship and the other just divorced. Of course on Saturday they saw me with new eyes, but both asked why I said what I had said. I said truthfully I did not know why I said what I had said since I had only known them for such a short time. I just know that what I had said, since confirmed by them, hit home to each in its own way. As I told each of them what I thought of them now, I told them that now I saw only the commitment and the strength in them that was not there before. And I knew that whatever I had said had turned into a positive.

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Every Tuesday morning I roll out of bed about 5:15 AM to head out to my Emmaus Reunion Group meeting, which starts at 6:15 AM. This is a tradition of the Walk to Emmaus, a way of adding a long-term accountability factor for each participant’s Emmaus experience.

I tried out several groups to find this one. Anchored by Andy Stern, it currently includes Kevin, Hollis, Carl, Ed and I. We have guys come and go- one just moved, one had too many work commitments, and another had a spiritual awakening that led him to write a book and head in a another direction.

We meet for breakfast and a program of sorts. Each person upon completing the Walk to Emmaus is given a card that provides an outline for the Reunion Group. It includes a list with: daily devotionals, prayers, readings, spiritual retreat, communion and more. We more or less use this list as guideline for our conversations and discussions. Last week as I was going through my account of my previous week I told the guys I was going to be at Choices the rest of the week and that I considered this event to be a spiritual retreat for me. I was going on to the next item and stopped and told the group that I really felt that this Reunion group was a spiritual retreat.

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About 10-12 years ago I was on a ski trip with a bunch of friends. It so happened we were skiing at Vail. I had just completed some back rehab and was in really excellent condition. One of the guys I went skiing with was a former ski instructor. His method of teaching me how to ski was to say: “Follow me!”

At which time he would jump off the edge of the run we were looking at and head down whooping and hollering. Each time I would do my best: “I can handle this”, look around and follow after him. I wasn’t as fast or carved as well as he did (plus he was 12 years younger that me so I didn’t have the wind to keep up) but all in all I did okay.

The first day we were skiing a really difficult area. It was very steep and was starting to get some ruts. The run next to it was even steeper and it was carved up in elephant sized moguls. I made it down the run, it wasn’t too pretty, but I made it down. We were about shot for the day, so we called it quits and headed in.

The next morning dawned Colorado blue.

Cold, crisp and clear.

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Music is an important part of most people’s lives. Some time its influence is noticeable and sometime its not. Since Choices I have changed my taste in music quite a bit, so I thought I’d take a bit to look at what I used to listen to and what I listen to now.

And why.

I was a child of the 60’s and 70’s. The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton, CSN&Y and on and on. To this day my two favorite rock songs are Eric Clapton’s “Layla” and CSN’s “Suite Judy Blue Eyes”. Have you ever listened to the words of these songs? Well they don’t really mean much. Many times the words were put together to complement the melody. I didn’t and still doesn’t seem to matter. When the first bars of “Layla” come on, wherever I am, I want to stand up and play my air guitar.

Another song I really liked was by the Eagles called “Lyin’ Eyes”, as in “honey you can’t hide your lyin’ eyes”. I listened to that for years and enjoyed it, Some time ago I realized I was living that life. Change the gender of the song, and it was me.

Maybe that’s why I have the word “Honest” in my Purpose.

Over time I realized that I could control what I listened to and that by doing so I could change my behavior. Or another way to say it was that by improving what I listened to I would improve.

So, what do I listen to now? I listen to songs that touch my heart. They can be rock and roll, country, gospel or Christian, classical. But maybe the commonality of what I listen to now the most, are songs that have somehow, sometime allowed me to share or expose a deep feeling that was followed by some type of tears. Tears of JOY. Tears of hurt. Tears of hope. Tears of GRACE.

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Last Stretches I asked my daughter Sarah to come out for the afternoon. Much to my delight (and surprise) she agreed. Sarah has never been to Choices, but she has heard Suzy and me talk repeatedly about my experiences (drone on and on I think is how she says it at times), listened to the music and been the subject of much “coaching” on accountability, apologies and all good things Choices.

(One of the best times we had was driving a herd of young girls at that time to one of Sarah’s birthday party. I taught them the “Dog Breath” song. It was a Wow fun time.)

I wanted her to come out so I could introduce her to all of the really wonderful young women that were going to be there, like: Tiffany, Jenna and Julie, Margaret and Andrea, Michelle and Elizabeth to name a few. I see in all of these young women traits I hoped Sarah would see and know for a certainty what a difference she can make in the world.

Following Stretches, Sarah’s main comment, besides really being Wowed by everyone she met, was “Gosh Dad, you know all the words to all of the songs!”

Afterwards I also realized I was also really proud of Sarah and part of the reason I wanted her to come to Choices was so I could show her how proud I was of her by introducing her to my friends.

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I’m a little tired today. I sent out RMC #10 this morning and have received some wonderful responses. I am tired, but I had coffee with a friend today I felt compelled to tell you about.

Actually he is my 20 year old son Keaton’s best friend. His name is Sean Rae Allen.

I have known Rae since he and Keaton started high school together. He was a big kid like my son, into computers, music and in the band. Where Keaton was kind of shy, Rae was the outgoing cut up. Yes he got into trouble with his mouth, but he was really I good kid. His family life was really difficult. He was bounced between his divorced mother and father, never really being secure. He always seemed to like it at our house since there was always food around and he was always welcome to it. He was always kind and considerate to Suzy and me. The last time I saw Rae he weighed about 225 pounds, and while not “fat” he could have stood to lose a few pounds just like us all it seems. He was on his way to marry his high school sweetheart Caitlin. As a send off I bought a graduation/wedding dinner for Keaton and Rae at a really good restaurant called Fusion owned by a gaming buddy of theirs. Well these two kids were treated to everything. The bill was $200 and they don’t even drink alcohol. Well I asked for it, so I giggled about it and wished him well.

Today I had coffee with Sean.

He still weighs 225 pounds, but looks like he weighs 180.

That’s what spending 8 months in Iraq does to boys. They become men.

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Rocky Mountain Climbing #10

Who do you pray for?

One of my most memorable experiences in Choices was the “Waterfall of Forgiveness”. 8.5 years ago I did not think I deserved forgiveness for leaving my marriage and two wonderful children. The experience I had helped me to allow forgiveness for myself. It did not take away the accountability for my actions, but it did allow me to move forward with more freedom and resolve.

Now I use the idea of the “waterfall” everyday when I do my daily devotional. In the last 8.5 years I probably have only forgotten to start my day doing this a handful of times. That is how important this has become in my life.

My devotional praying has changed over the years as I have met more and more people and have been influenced by the Holy Spirit. I know I can’t pray for everyone I would like to, but I make an honest attempt to keep people in my prayers.

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